Primarily known for raising the roof with his eccentric end-zone dances, who better to take the first shpot on our monument than Jesus. As the founder of the triple option, the most exshiting offense in the history of the game, Jesus took the wheel in every Notre Dame #1 BCS champion season. Which was and is every football season. EVER! Pulling off the game's only self-completed hail-mary touchdown in history (worth 20 points I might add) is just one of his many miracles, and he's watched over our stadium so long that even the referees have taken to using his pose as the sign for touchdowns and field goals. Here's hoping for many more sermons on the Mount.
Let he who is without sin pass the firsht down
Speaking of hail-mary, full of graces and such... In nearly 2000 seasons as the Holy Trinity's offenshive coordinator, the Virgin Mary has been outshtanding. Although she battled injury early on in her career with a nine month case of pregnancy with our Lord and Saviour, no one, much less a woman, has delivered more in clutch game-winning situashions. Just look at the statishtics: 2,908,645 touchdowns scored on an equal number of passing attempts, eleventy billion passing yards, and that doesn't even include the pro or high shchool numbersh. No one has been more electrocuting or dramatic on the field, and that earns Virgin Mary spot on Mount Rushmore.
Our father, who art in heaven; Football be thy name
Next up is one of the most iconic symbols in all of college football. That's right, a Notre Dame helmet has been installed in our third shpot as the Golden Dome of the Rock. You have no idea how much planning was involved to turn the monument's natural white color to gold, but we deshided that plating the helmet in pure 24 karat gold was the cheapest option. Shpared no expense. Inside the helmet will be a convent and living quarters for the Rushmore maintenance staff, and a special thanks goes out to the Sisters of Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle for their vigilant and steadfasht upkeep.
In my playing days it looked more like thish
The final shpot on Notre Dame Mount Rushmore belongs to me, the inimitable Lou Holtz won 1988 National Champion Fiesta Bowl that was excepshional game. There is no finer example of blatant homerism in the face of facts than this 4' 2" firecracker. 212 years of coaching without a loss, if my memory serves me correctly. Not much more needs to be said. He's also kept aviator style glasshes in style for the better part of a century. Lou Holtz's Mount Rushmore appearance is sponsored by Metamucil. Winner, winner, chase your dinner, with Metamucil.
Shprinkler system being installed as we shpeak
Some of you may be upshet about so many religious icons being on a state monument, babbling some nonsense about the separashions of churchesh and shtates and such. But Lou needs to remind you that this game is steeped in the tradition of the divine. Even football's scoring system is holy! Three and seven are sacred number in life and in football. Field goals: Holy Trinity. God created the the earth and the universes in seven days, and we get seven points for touchdowns! Well, he rested on the seventh day, that's why we have to kick the extra point ourselves. COINCIDENCE? COACH THINKS NOT!
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